Showing posts with label spiritual but not religious. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spiritual but not religious. Show all posts

Thursday, June 10, 2021

Evolution as Progress ... or Depth?

I'd like to share some expansive, illuminating thoughts from Molly McCord’s podcast, Eclipse Energy Portals — Part 1, which aired on May 24, 2021.

There has been a top-down approach that has infringed on individual free will with regards to spiritual growth.

Now, there is/will be … a rising up of individual sovereignty around our personal belief systems.

What’s happened on the planet for centuries … individual choice has not been honored.

We’ve been told or we’ve been punished or we’ve been ostracized or alienated or persecuted for not going along with what we’re told.

What we’re shifting on the planet is this deeper understanding of spiritual connection and what it means to be spiritually connected in a way that resonates with you and that’s all you need. You don’t need outside approval, you don’t need others to agree, you don’t need to form a group and then create anything to support that.

Part of the earth experience is being an individual, being a sovereign energy field that allows others to be their own energy field as well. And this is how we raise the consciousness in ourselves as well as how we understand more of what’s possible on this planet.

So what we’re undergoing is a deep purging, cleansing and shifting of spiritual programming and spiritual connections. And this happens in so many ways, unlimited ways, and it is very personal based on your own lifetimes experiences.

Deep sigh.

Remember that Saturn-Jupiter conjunction — the Great Conjunction — in December 2020 in the first degree of Aquarius?!?!?

Well, it seems a new consciousness IS emerging. And first shoots are breaking ground …

Friday, April 9, 2021

Calling All Angels

 Wow.

It has been a long time 

And so much has happened.

Likely, I'll be returning. I'm just not sure when.

In the meantime, I just wanted to share something I saw recently that I really loved.

Please enjoy!

Tuesday, July 30, 2019

The Seeker Hero

Ryder tightened his grip around the large rock in his hand. He’d scoured Idonne’s rocky seashore for months, searching for the perfect stone.

 Fairy Tale Fantasy (Kindle Store)

 The first stone he’d brought back to his austere quarters had had a single sharp plane. He’d traded it out with four more before he’d settled on the one he held tonight. One of the stone’s edges sharpened into a jagged point. For weeks, night after night, lying awake on his pallet, he’d practiced shifting it into the right position. He didn’t need to look down now to know the stone’s point was centered.

For over a decade, Ryder, now nineteen, had been trained in the rigors of Idonnic research and documentation. Despite his lack of passion for the work, he had a talent. As Anton’s favorite, he’d been assigned to a closely guarded branch of Idonnic knowledge: the study of Umbra.

He’d read and reread every scrap of information the priests had collected about the mass of psychic ash accumulating in the Void. A product of mortal impotence, frustration, and failure, Umbra had formed a discrete identity and become self-aware over the eons. He intended to enter the realm of the material plane. He’d discovered a means to do so. He meant to destroy the Whole.

The priesthood would do nothing to stop the incarnation, and the Oath of Non-Interference Anton had contrived Ryder into taking a year ago—to the day—choked him. Vowing to chronicle and observe, but never to act, violated every fiber of his being.

There was also the ill-defined thing the young priest couldn’t name which called him. It radiated from deep within his heart, and of late, it left him sleepless most nights. As the summons grew more insistent, the need to leave Idonne dominated his thoughts. But he couldn’t leave without the sword.

Ryder examined the room. There were no guards, no spells of enchanted protection. Only the library’s labyrinth of marble halls hid Koldis from the rest of the enchanted world.


Coming of Age Fantasy eBooks

The sword wasn’t safe. Rumors had already reached his ears. Sorcerers and witches from Kyrakkos sought the blade and its counterpart Ormrun. Although there had been no sightings of the bejeweled basin for over a hundred years, there was no evidence Ormrun had ever left the Realm of Faerie’s shores.

The magical sword and basin opened a portal in the veil between the worlds. Plunged into Ormrun, Koldis became the key to unlock the ancient door. Umbra could leave the Void and travel through the Parallel of Shadows. He could incarnate his consciousness into a vessel of his choosing.

Last week a war captain from Huros had dined with Anton. He’d asked about Koldis. His tone had been casual, but Ryder was convinced the pretense for the visit had been a charade. The captain sought the sword.

Ryder raised his arm. No one who wanted Umbra’s power for themselves was going to get it.

He would sail to Faerie with Koldis. — Chapter 5. The Renegade Priest, Half Faerie

Epic Fantasy (Kindle Store)

The farther I get away from the writing Daughter of Light, the more I love Ryder. Without a doubt, he was the most challenging character for me to work with because his integrity and strength are most pronounced in what he does ... and what he leaves unsaid.

From Morphology of the Folk Tale by V. Propp:

XI. THE HERO LEAVES HOME ...

The departures of seeker heroes and victim heroes are ... different. The departures of the former have search as their goal, while that of the latter mark the beginning of a journey without searches ... 

In certain tales spatial transference of the hero is absent. The entire action takes place in one location. Sometimes, on the contrary, departure is intensified, assuming the character of flight.

There are two, okay, really multiple heroes in Daughter of Light, but the main story revolves around Melia and Ryder. Melia is a victim hero. She is where she is and who she is—figuratively and metaphorically—when the story opens by virtue of birth and circumstance. Birth and circumstance will always impinge on Melia's choices in unavoidable ways. Her heroism will ultimately depend on how she uses her legacy to transform the future. Sometimes the toughest thing in life is working with what we've got and where we're at.

Ryder, on the other hand, is a SEEKER HERO. Yay, for travel, movement, action and adventure! Ryder's departure from the world he's known as home is intensified by hostile feelings for his mentor and an inner imperative to protect the Whole. And then there is that "ill-defined thing ... which called him."

Run by Thompson Square captures the hopes and dreams of the young priest from Idonne's determined departure:


Run Lyrics:

I'm gonna buy a boat and sail
And I'm gonna grab the world by the tail
And I'm gonna live and love and believe
No matter what tomorrow brings

I'm gonna run as fast as I can
Hold every little moment in the palm of my hand
I'm gonna fly right into the sun
Gravity can't stop me, I've already begun
I'm gonna run, run, run

Love taught me how to cry
But life taught me how to fight
And time showed my eyes how to see
And I'm not afraid 'cause now I'm free

I'm gonna run as fast as I can
Hold every little moment in the palm of my hand
I'm gonna fly right into the sun
Gravity can't stop me, I've already begun
I'm gonna run, run, run

When it feels like the world is crashing down
Just keep your feet on the ground and run, run, run
When you're broken, tired, hurt or scared
Let the wind take you here and run, run, run

I'm gonna run as fast as I can
Hold every little moment in the palm of my hand
I'm gonna fly right into the sun
Gravity can't stop me, I've already begun
I'm gonna run, run, run
I'm gonna run, run, run

I'm gonna run, run, run
I'm gonna run, run, run

As a half-faerie, Melia is an outcast in the enchanted world where she lives with her two sisters and full-blood faerie mother. The girls' father has been exiled to the mortal world for breaking his faerie troth. When a tragic accident destroys what's left of Melia's fractured family, her mother is unforgiving. The punishment she metes out will leave her daughter torn between guilt and ecstasy, challenge the bonds between three sisters, and complicate Melia's relationship with a young priest who’s come to the Realm of Faerie on a mission of his own.

Free eBook
Amazon  |  Amazon (UK)  |  Amazon (Canada)  |  Apple  |  Barnes & Noble  |  Google play  |  kobo
Buy the Paperback

Saturday, June 15, 2019

An Inner Connection

The blood-red sunset—swiped with lavender, fuchsia, and orange—signaled the approach of a pitch-black night. Melia waded across one of the Nyssalei’s sandbanks. The river was an in-between place, the waters unpredictable during the moons’ dark phase. She’d had to choose — risk the waters and reach the enchanted gardens under the safety of twilight, or end up running through the Footing Fields in total darkness.

When the vision overtook her, she stood with one foot on the Nyssalei’s bank and one foot in the water.

Warships approach. Their dark cannons smite the land with ear-shattering blows.


fantasy and adventure books, magic and fantasy books

The banks of the Nyssalei wither.

Illialei is black and brown and grey.

I stand with one foot in the river. A luminous thing drifts to the water’s surface. Gold swirls frame it. I take a closer look. A mermaid. Drowned in the sewage of destruction.


enchantment, magic, fantasy, adventure

“Melia,” someone calls.

I search for the speaker. He stands in the east — a male with dark hair, sunburnt skin, and emerald eyes.

He holds out his hand. It doesn’t reach me. A brown cloak billows behind him.

I want to move toward him, but my feet are rooted.

“I’ll stay with you,” he says. “No matter what.”'


the secret, inner worlds outer worlds


The icy water pooling around her ankles brought Melia back to reality. She touched her forehead. Was the man with the emerald eyes the one Nandana had spoken of? How had he come to her so soon? — Chapter 4. Sisters, Half Faerie

What's going on here?

Whatever it is, it's happening in THE INVISIBLE REALM. But it is REAL?

What, after all, is REAL? Does everything that happens in the visible realm happen in THE INVISIBLE REALM first — as a thought, an idea, energy, a dream?

If everything that happens in THE INVISIBLE REALM doesn't seed the visible, what blossoms and withers? Are humans mistaken in believing we are the maximal determiners of what crosses the threshold between THE INVISIBLE and the visible, or are other forces at work? At play? Are they "smarter" than we are? More "intelligent"? "Wiser"? Must our — do our — thoughts, ideas, energies, dreams —  get "filtered" through such forces?

From Love, an Inner Connection by Carol K. Anthony: Immediately upon the beginning of a true love relationship, a dynamic connection is established between the two lover's innermost selves. This connection exists in the form of an energy that flows back and forth between them, binding them together. It is as if a large underground tunnel, through which blissful nourishment flows, connects them. They are able to feel this nourishment though they may be thousands of apart.

Is the "male with dark hair, sunburnt skin, and emerald eyes" merely a supernatural natural presence to comfort and/or guide Melia on her quest? Regardless, the half faerie experiences an inexplicably strong attraction to him after this, his first appearance in her life.

The Dark Night of the Soul by Loreena Mckennitt:



The Dark Night of the Soul Lyrics:

Upon a darkened night
The flame of love was burning in my breast
And by a lantern bright
I fled my house while all in quiet rest

Shrouded by the night
And by the secret stair I quickly fled
The veil concealed my eyes
While all within lay quiet as the dead

[Chorus:]
Oh night thou was my guide
Oh night more loving than the rising sun
Oh night that joined the lover
To the beloved one
Transforming each of them into the other

Upon that misty night
In secrecy, beyond such mortal sight
Without a guide or light
Than that which burned so deeply in my heart
That fire t'was led me on
And shone more bright than of the midday sun
To where he waited still
It was a place where no one else could come

[Chorus]

Within my pounding heart
Which kept itself entirely for him
He fell into his sleep
Beneath the cedars all my love I gave
From o'er the fortress walls
The wind would brush his hair against his brow
And with its smoothest hand
Caressed my every sense it would allow

[Chorus]

I lost myself to him
And laid my face upon my lover's breast
And care and grief grew dim
As in the morning's mist became the light
There they dimmed amongst the lilies fair
There they dimmed amongst the lilies fair
There they dimmed amongst the lilies fair


As a half-faerie, Melia is an outcast in the enchanted world where she lives with her two sisters and full-blood faerie mother. The girls' father has been exiled to the mortal world for breaking his faerie troth. When a tragic accident destroys what's left of Melia's fractured family, her mother is unforgiving. The punishment she metes out will leave her daughter torn between guilt and ecstasy, challenge the bonds between three sisters, and complicate Melia's relationship with a young priest who’s come to the Realm of Faerie on a mission of his own.

Free eBook
Amazon  |  Amazon (UK)  |  Amazon (Canada)  |  Apple  |  Barnes & Noble  |  Google play  |  kobo
Buy the Paperback

Saturday, June 8, 2019

Nandana's Mark

The Illustrator pulled Melia into the next room where high oval tables, cluttered with ink jars and brushes, stood between several long, padded benches. Overfilled bookshelves lined two of the walls, and etchings covered a desk pushed into an alcove. More cats, perched about the room, turned their furred heads. An energetic ginger cat slid across the floor. 
cat love, cat lover
Nandana guided Melia to an altar in the room’s far corner.

Before the half-faerie could stop her, the woman pressed her thumb into a saucer of ink, uttered something unintelligible, and pushed her thumb pad against Melia’s forehead.
fantasy and adventure books, magic and fantasy books
The half-faerie tried to pull away. “What—?”

“He will help you.” Nandana maintained a firm grip on Melia’s hand as her glossy eyes stared into space. “Yes. I feel his presence in the Parallel of Shadows.” Her gaze gradually refocused on Melia. “Like you, he lives in a world where he doesn’t belong. And like you, he comprehends the horror that threatens and searches for answers.” She placed her hand over Melia’s heart. “This mark will call him to you.”

“I don’t understand.”

Nandana pulled Melia closer. “There are reasons you can see what your father calls forth but cannot bear to witness. Trust that.” The prediction did nothing to calm Melia, but it resonated with an inner knowing she could no longer deny. Her father’s obsession with Umbra had breached her inner world.

She had to stop him. — Excerpt from Chapter 3. The Illustrator, Half Faerie

Melia has an odd (even for the enchanted world!) experience with the Illustrator. The half faerie—who has carefully guarded her secret up to now — easily confesses her troubles to the unusual woman. Melia then gets unexpected advice: "don’t assume stopping your visions is the task before you" coupled with a strange mark on her forehead.

From Lost Knowledge of the Imagination by Gary Lachman: After much meditation Descartes decided that there were two fundamental kinds of reality, or in fact two realities, what he called res cogitates and res extends, 'thinking' or 'knowing' things, and 'extended' things. This was the knowing mind and what it knows, or, in our terms here, our inside and the outside, consciousness and the external world ... Descartes believed that the two realities did interact — they had to, as we experienced this in ourselves all the time — and he thought that this happened in a tiny organ in the brain called the pineal gland. This is located behind the third ventricle and strangely, this is also where in an ancient Hindu tradition the 'third eye' is found, the 'opening' of which triggers mystical vision."
half faerie, daughter of light, Melia, half faerie, magic, enchantment
Our inside and the outside, consciousness and the external world: THE INVISIBLE and the visible.

Melia's visit to the Illustrator is a turning point, not only is she encouraged to face her dark visions head on—"don't run away"—her connection with THE INVISIBLE is strengthened by a promise of forthcoming help.

Stand Up by Fireflight:


Stand Up Lyrics:

Look at all the lonely hearts
Shivering out in the dark
Hiding from the truth
Cover up the proof
Demons that I've tried to hide
Imprison me in my own lies
And all that I can do is cover up the proof
Don't be afraid to...

[Chorus:]
Stand up!
Stand up if you're broken
Stand up!
Stand up if you feel ashamed
You are not alone when you hurt this way
Stand up!
Stand up if you need love
Stand up!
This is not judgment day
You don't have to hide
There's no need to run
Everything will be okay

Secrets got me torn apart
Trying to destroy my heart
But I can see the light
It's cutting through the night
Don't run away
(Don't run away)
Don't be afraid to...

[Chorus]

You say You love me
That's all I'll ever need
If You say I'm good enough
That's good enough for me

[Chorus]

Stand up!
Stand up if you're broken
Stand up!
Stand up if you feel ashamed

As a half-faerie, Melia is an outcast in the enchanted world where she lives with her two sisters and full-blood faerie mother. The girls' father has been exiled to the mortal world for breaking his faerie troth. When a tragic accident destroys what's left of Melia's fractured family, her mother is unforgiving. The punishment she metes out will leave her daughter torn between guilt and ecstasy, challenge the bonds between three sisters, and complicate Melia's relationship with a young priest who’s come to the Realm of Faerie on a mission of his own.

Free eBook
Amazon  |  Amazon (UK)  |  Amazon (Canada)  |  Apple  |  Barnes & Noble  |  Google play  |  kobo
Buy the Paperback

Thursday, June 6, 2019

Have You Made Contact With the Strange World in Which We Live Today?

Melia settled back down into the grass. “Nothing about the doors between the mortal and enchanted worlds opening?”
“No.”
“Then I wonder what my father's thinking?”
“Do you want to hear the prophecy?”
“You can recite the whole thing?”
“Yes.”
Melia didn’t believe a dusty old poem offered a solution to her problem. “Maybe another day.”
“Fine.”
“I’m so tired of all this.” The half-faerie propped herself up on her elbows. “Maybe we could catch a ship at Southend and sail beyond Faerie, to a place where it doesn’t matter that I’m the wingless daughter of Pressina and Elynus.”


imaginative play, envisioning real utopias

“Do you think that will stop your visions?”
“My mother wouldn’t even notice I was gone.”
Tatou frowned.
Melia rolled over and stared into the sky. “Maybe I’d be happier somewhere else. Maybe being happier would stop my visions.” — Excerpt from Chapter 2. The Prophecy, Half Faerie

Melia frequently travels between the visible and THE INVISIBLE realms. In the above excerpt, she uses her imagination to explore another possible solution to her "dark vision"/dark inner terrain problem. (She's already made several failed efforts.)

It seems like a minor detail, but what if it wasn't?

the secret, inner worlds outer worlds

What is imagination, after all?

From Lost Knowledge of the Imagination by Gary Lachman : Imagination, [Colin Wilson] said, is the 'ability to grasp realities that are not immediately present'. Not an escape from reality, or a substitute for it, but a deeper engagement with it. We could also say that imagination is simply our ability to grasp reality, or even in some strange way, to create it, or at least collaborate in its creation ... While it can be used for fantasy, illusion, make-believe, and escapism, the real work of imagination is to make contact with the strange world in which we live and to serve as both guide and inspiration for our development within it. It is the way we evolve."

What if, every time Melia crosses the threshold into THE INVISIBLE realm she's planting a seed, a seed that will blossom in the future?

fantasy and adventure books, magic and fantasy books

First Aid Kit's I'm Building Myself a Boat:




I'm Building Myself a Boat Lyrics

I'm building myself a boat
it's gonna sail across the globe
until I find what I want

I'm building myself a boat

I'm building myself a boat
it's gonna sail across these seas
until I find what I need
I'm building myself a boat

And you can surely come along
no, we won't be gone for too long
we'll be back by dawn

Well I might settle down
in your lonesome town
or I'd leave right away
I know here I can stay

And you can surely come along
no, we won't be gone for too long
We'll be back by dawn

I'm building myself a boat
it's gonna sail across the globe
until I find what I want
I'm building myself a boat

I'm building myself a boat
it's gonna sail across these seas
until I find what I need
I'm building myself a boat


As a half-faerie, Melia is an outcast in the enchanted world where she lives with her two sisters and full-blood faerie mother. The girls' father has been exiled to the mortal world for breaking his faerie troth. When a tragic accident destroys what's left of Melia's fractured family, her mother is unforgiving. The punishment she metes out will leave her daughter torn between guilt and ecstasy, challenge the bonds between three sisters, and complicate Melia's relationship with a young priest who’s come to the Realm of Faerie on a mission of his own.

Free eBook
Amazon  |  Amazon (UK)  |  Amazon (Canada)  |  Apple  |  Barnes & Noble  |  Google play  |  kobo
Buy the Paperback

Friday, May 31, 2019

Whose Demons? Yours, Mine, Ours.

"I was thinking about my thirteenth birthday," Melia said. Her father had telepathically interrogated her that night. Since then, during every dark moon phase, gruesome images intruded on Melia's mind—gruesome images that she'd never seen or imagined before. It was all connected: her father's psychic trespass, the horrific visions, and the black nights when the enchanted world's two moons offered zero illumination. Tears welled in the half-faerie's eyes. She rubbed them away.

"What?" Tatou asked.

"When Melusine taught Plantine and me how to block Father's telepathic intrusions, I became the best at building interior walls. I was certain that would stop everything."

"But it didn't?"

"No." Melia's heart hammered in her chest. No matter how many psychic walls she threw up, or how thick the walls were, when Faerie's moons were dark the visions came. The most logical explanation made her uneasy. They weren't coming from outside of her, they were bubbling up from within.

"Try the ylandria one more time," Tatou said.

Melia slumped with her back bowing out, her elbows on her thighs, and her chin on the flats of her fists. They used to chase glow sprites on the shores of the Undine, but now they experimented with faerie herbs.

natural beauty, nature inspiration,

Maybe the ylandria wasn't working because she didn't want to know the truth. Her father's trespass had violated some inner boundary, one from which there was no retreat. It was a disturbing thought, to be forever transformed for the worse through no fault of her own, and at such an early age. — Excerpt from Chapter 1. Ylandria, Half Faerie

Melia's INNER WORLD, her psychic terrain, has been invaded in a troubling way. Who is responsible for said invasion, the sudden introduction of violent images that now recur according to a lunar rhythm?

From The Uses of Enchantment, On the Meaning and Significance of Fairy Tales by Bruno Bettelheim: "There is a widespread refusal to let children know that the source of much that goes wrong in life is due to our very own natures—the propensity of all men for acting aggressively, asocially, selfishly, our of anger and anxiety. Instead we want our children to believe that, inherently, all men are good. But children know that they are not always good, and often, even when they are, they would prefer not to be. This contradicts what they are told by their parents and therefore make the child a monster in his own eyes.

The dominant culture wishes to pretend, particularly where children are concerned, that the dark side of man does not exist, and professes a belief in optimistic meliorism." 

Bruno Bettelheim, fairy tales, the search for meaning

Not only do "CHILDREN know that they are not always good, and even when they are, they prefer not to be", children ALSO know the same about ADULTS!

As Melia's story opens she struggles with that universal question: Whose demons? Hers? Her Father's? Or ... someone else's? If they're not hers, how are they being/could they be transmitted into her mind? Through some INVISIBLE but potent connection, energy, field? Electromagnetic forces interacting with plasma?

The half faerie just wants to stop them and get on with her life. Meanwhile, if she could sprout a pair of wings and be like all the full-blood faeries!

desires of your heart

Imagine Dragons cover of Demons by Gareth Bush & Morgan Kingdon:


Demon Lyrics:

When the days are cold
And the cards all fold
And the saints we see
Are all made of gold

When your dreams all fail
And the ones we hail
Are the worst of all
And the blood's run stale

I wanna hide the truth
I wanna shelter you
But with the beast inside
There's nowhere we can hide

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide
Don't get too close
It's dark inside
It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide

At the curtain's call
It's the last of all
When the lights fade out
All the sinners crawl

So they dug your grave
And the masquerade
Will come calling out
At the mess you made

Don't wanna let you down
But I am hell bound
Though this is all for you
Don't wanna hide the truth

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide
Don't get too close
It's dark inside
It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide

They say it's what you make
I say it's up to fate
It's woven in my soul
I need to let you go

Your eyes, they shine so bright
I wanna save that light
I can't escape this now
Unless you show me how

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide
Don't get too close
It's dark inside
It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide

As a half-faerie, Melia is an outcast in the enchanted world where she lives with her two sisters and full-blood faerie mother. The girls' father has been exiled to the mortal world for breaking his faerie troth. When a tragic accident destroys what's left of Melia's fractured family, her mother is unforgiving. The punishment she metes out will leave her daughter torn between guilt and ecstasy, challenge the bonds between three sisters, and complicate Melia's relationship with a young priest who’s come to the Realm of Faerie on a mission of his own.

Free eBook
Amazon  |  Amazon (UK)  |  Amazon (Canada)  |  Apple  |  Barnes & Noble  |  Google play  |  kobo
Buy the Paperback

Tuesday, June 12, 2018

Do You Really ... Want It Darker?

Dying. Death. Light snuffed out, but not completely. A grey sheen, its source not visible, infiltrates the vast space I float in. My awareness simmers. I wait. Minutes. Hours. Days. Weeks. Months. Eternity?

A tunnel of warm sticky heat envelops me. Pulls and sucks me deep into its vortex. The timeless nothingness stretches me; thinner, thinner, thinner.

My psyche travels through some cosmic sieve, and I lose … what is it that I have lost? The brighter part of myself—an ember—falls away. It is gone.

Images from my life, memories—the ones I buried—jangle through me. I’m reminded in vivid detail of every evil I ever committed—from the smallest lie to the most deplorable betrayal. The excuses I made for myself—every rationalization—consolidates into a single trail of gluey telltale.

The sticky thread spins and rolls into a compacted ball of cowardice, envy, self doubt, and self pity. The grey light is extinguished. I have arrived in a void of omnipotent blackness as an impotent, seething blotch.

Heat builds around me, my consciousness implodes. Raining down through the ethers, I am mortal ash. — Umbra, Isolt's Enchantment

Quantum Musings: "Quantum Electrodynamics ... does not see [the] universe as static but [as] a dynamic arena where matter and energy are spontaneously created and destroyed and [the] particle anti-particle annihilative dance keeps the stage rocking." — Amir Suhail Wani

Umbra.

The darkest part of the shadow. A quantum manifestation of all unresolved human suffering.

OMG!

There couldn't be a better theme song for Umbra than "You Want It Darker" chillingly performed and superbly written by genius songwriter Leonard Cohen.


"You Want It Darker" Lyrics

If you are the dealer, I'm out of the game
If you are the healer, it means I'm broken and lame
If thine is the glory then mine must be the shame
You want it darker
We kill the flame
Magnified, sanctified, be thy holy name
Vilified, crucified, in the human frame
A million candles burning for the help that never came
You want it darker
Hineni, hineni
I'm ready, my lord
There's a lover in the story
But the story's still the same
There's a lullaby for suffering
And a paradox to blame
But it's written in the scriptures
And it's not some idle claim
You want it darker
We kill the flame
They're lining up the prisoners
And the guards are taking aim
I struggled with some demons
They were middle class and tame
I didn't know I had permission to murder and to maim
You want it darker
Hineni, hineni
I'm ready, my lord
Magnified, sanctified, be thy holy name
Vilified, crucified, in the human frame
A million candles burning for the love that never came
You want it darker
We kill the flame
If you are the dealer, let me out of the game
If you are the healer, I'm broken and lame
If thine is the glory, mine must be the shame
You want it darker
Hineni, hineni
Hineni, hineni
I'm ready, my lord
Hineni
Hineni, hineni
Hineni
Isolt of the Waters is an ancient water elemental whose betrayal and enchantment has forever changed the Whole. When a young scholar in Idonne discovers her story, along with tales of dwarf magic and the birth of Umbra—a malevolent entity dwelling in the Void—he dreams of a life filled with adventure and heroism.
Ebook

Paperback

Thursday, June 1, 2017

The Girl Who Couldn't Sing: Videos!

From, oh, let's see, 1989 to 2006, I wrote songs and performed in coffee shops. Although it was not a lucrative endeavor by any means, it was a fun and fabulous experience. I grew and healed soooooo much ... which was the point of the short story "The Girl Who Couldn't Sing" ... Anyway ...



Over and over friends have told me to write my story. The closest I've come to that and the closest I will ever come to that is in the collection of three short stories in: The Girl Who Believed in Fairy Tales ... which is FREE! (BTW The Girl Who Couldn't Sing is the third and final story in that collection ...)

Free eBook
Buy the Paperback

So why did BMI pay me? I actually produced a CD and DVD between 1998 and 2006. The CD was titled The Faith of a Crucified Child. And the DVD was titled My Name is Heather Baker, Welcome to My World. (Heidi Garrett is the name I write under because ... Heidi was the name my mother was going to name me until my paternal grandmother said it sounded like a german milk cow! But I fell in love with the story Heidi when I was a girl ... and Garrett is my mother's maiden name, thus ...)

Here are 3 excerpts from the DVD:







I was working on a second CD, Deep Blue Sea, when I retired my singer/songwriter efforts. Sometimes I regret that I didn't complete that album. I was getting better at learning my voice, playing the keyboard, and I'd met more musicians in the San Diego community where I lived at the time and had them on board to collaborate on the CD. It might have been awesome (hehe), but after my Grandma died, everything seemed to rearrange inside me, and I just didn't have the will to continue. SIGH.  BUT I did "receive" Daughter of Light and it feels like this was the work I was destined (?) to contribute to the world consciousness ...  And I simply CANNOT WAIT until the release of the final installment in the trilogy: War & Grace. I think—HOPE—it's going to be AWESOME!!!

Sunday, May 28, 2017

Let's Play

Another book I read last year was Play Anything: The Pleasure of Limits, the Uses of Boredom, & the Secret of Games by Ian Bogost. Bogost is a professor of interactive computing and a founding partner of Persuasive Games and his book is really refreshing.
playground equipment, spirituality definition
It got my attention for two reasons:
  1. The word play. Although I have an ambivalent relationship with astrology, its mythical archetypes are rich sources for exploring depth psychology (pant! pant! something I love) while the cheesy cookie-cutter personality analyses and forecasts make me cringe (or is it whinge, lol!) And … yet … I do know my North Node is in Leo which at the most basic level suggests that for me, learning to play could be a helpful thing … hehe.
  2. The word limits. In my twenties I studied the I Ching. My introduction to Carol Anthony’s Guide to the I Ching was a huge, door-opening into the cosmos experience for me, probably the seed which planted the spiritual arc upon which I’ve journeyed for the past three decades. Why? Amidst all its intricacies, its bedrock was the concept of our internal world and the power of spending time there. Now when I went to the most reputable English translation of the I Ching or Book of Changes by Wilhem/Baynes, I found a mix of concepts which left me quite ambivalent and eventually led me to discard the book. Overlayed—shellacked—with Confucianism (which I don’t like because it promotes misogyny and rigidly hierarchical social structures which are antithetical to the whole concept of diversity, multiplicity, and variety inherent in life) there are liberal sprinklings of Taoism in its birth (which I love) and much poetry in: The Judgements, Images, and Lines, of the hexagrams. (If you’re unfamiliar with the I Ching it’s a collection of 64 hexagrams, images of 6 broken and unbroken lines to which text has been appended; the hexagrams purportedly represent the varying pathways (sequences) of change upon which Life is apt to meander.) Hexagram 61 is: Limitation, its Judgement: Limitation. Success. Galling Limitation must not be persevered in. Those 7 words capture the treachery of both indulgence and tyranny. In his book, Bogost makes a playful and much more wordy pitch for how limits are a key ingredient to success. 
But the overall theme of Play Anything is really about: Engaging with the FINITE, i.e. the material world as we see it and experience it. A theme very much appreciated by me as one who’s sick of our species attempts to discount and/or minimize the miracle around us as an “illusion” or our commitment to focus on its worst aspects and soothe our perspective with a future “afterlife”.
If the FINITE IS the DIVINE’S CREATION … why are we always so committed to an exit? WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR US TO BE HERE … on this planet, in this moment, alive, attending, cherishing … playing …
characteristics of a spiritual person, how would you define spirituality
If attitude/perspective is everything …

Then Bogost’s first chapter, Everywhere, Playgrounds, is a great start in upending the apple cart …

He begins by telling a story of rushing through the mall with his daughter. He describes a game she played along the way with the lines created by the floor tiling. Her win: “She made the most of a mundane situation. She turned misery into fun.”

“…children are constantly compromising, constantly adjusting to an environment that is clearly not theirs, not yet. That’s wisdom, not innocence … we are fools to think we can control the universe. Children are right to allow the humility of their smallness to rule the day.”

“… misery gives way to fun when you take an object, event, situation, or scenario that wasn’t designed for you, that isn’t invested in you, that isn’t concerned in the slightest for your experience of it, and then treat it as if it were … this is what play means. Play isn’t doing what we want, but doing what we can with the materials we find along the way. And fun isn’t the experience of pleasure, but the outcome of tinkering with a small part of the world in a surprising way.”

“… play invites and even requires greater attention, generosity, respect, and investment than its supposedly more serious alternatives do.”

Then Bogost pounds on The Boredom … of daily life, of routine, of all the things we’ve done and seen before. Refreshingly, he transforms boredom to the pointer where we can play … be more attentive, more involved, and more surprised by novelty: novel insights, novel experiences, novel emotions. .. “Joy and pleasure live beyond boredom. Under it, not before nor atop it … once the familiarity of something ordinary is finally, totally, utterly spent, then the novelty of facing it anew can finally start.”
spirituality vs religion, what is spirituality
Next he takes interesting and thoughtful swipes at the currently trendy Mindfulness:

“Mindfulness is the practice of accepting our own thought and feelings, but what good is it if we accept only ourselves? We need a means to accept other things. A worldfulness to complement—or even replace—the trend of mindfulness.”

“Instead of taking things in stride, instead of transforming them from insufferable to agreeable, our default approach tends toward frustration, overwhelm, anger, and disgust. Rather than accepting the invitation to play, we reject the call as insufficiently compatible with our predetermined needs and wishes.”

Then he confronts the idea set forth by the writer David Foster Wallace that a way to cope with boredom, routine, tedium of adult life is to project “worst-case-scenarios” on all those you encounter to help you shift from a mental self-centeredness to “an equally soul-destroying, utterly boundless hypothetical empathy” … thus retreating “further into the self” because after all, we’re still bound up in our narrative, and what we tell ourselves. “Wallace’s standard—assuming everyone has ‘harder, more tedious or painful lives’—goes … beyond … inventing meaning, our burdened skulls apparently must invoke the most drastic situation in order to subordinate our private feelings to the circumstances we encounter. A rat-race of worst-case scenarios.

It’s insane to think we’d have to make up fake stories when the world is so replete with real stuff waiting for us to notice it—stuff like rectilinear shopping-mall floor tiles, Gibson Les Paul studio guitars, the knobby stem-necks of tangelos, cans of Pringles machine-formed potato chips, the formal constraints of a tweet or a sonnet … To treat things with respect and intrigue, we don’t need to understand the motivations and inner lives—whatever know the inner life of a tangelo or floor tile would mean. We just need to pay enough attention to discover what they do and how they work—to discover what they obviously and truly are—and then to make use of them in gratifyingly novel ways …

The great tragedy of Wallace’s life—a lifelong sufferer of depression, he committed suicide at age forty-six—isn’t only that he killed himself: it was also that he was unable to invent tolerable, lasting mode of living during the years he eked out of the universe, a mode of living that truly allowed the selfish mind to live amidst the great outdoors.”

Interesting, yeah?

Bogost’s attacks on irony are equally fruitful.

“Irony keeps reality at a distance. It has become our primary method for combating the external world’s incompatibility with our own desires. Today’s irony uses increasingly desperate efforts to hold everything in between welcome embrace and sneering mockery. Irony is the great affliction of our age, worthy of it’s own disorder.”

“Irony is the risk management strategy that accompanies selfishness, whether in commercial form as materialism or in spiritual form as mindfulness. By holding everything at a distance, we trap ourselves in our imperfect minds. … To pretend that the world only exists in one’s head is a madness condemned to reproduce itself forever. The error mistakes the big, weird, world outside our heads for a world built to be housed inside that head, inside our comparatively tiny minds … the mania of selfish irony: the world can never fully satisfy me, so I will hold it at arm’s length forever. Wouldn’t it be easier and more productive to work with the objects, people, and situations we encounter? To use, understand, and appreciate them for what they are rather than how they make us feel about ourselves?”

“Irony is the opposite of playground. Rather than embracing, creating, or otherwise accepting the ultimate existential preposterousness of the world and working with it nevertheless, irony takes the first step—drawing the boundary, encircling the materials with which one might then produce novel experience—and then it stops … with a chuckle and a sneer.”

How to play:
nature and spirituality, finding spirituality in nature
“First, pay close, foolish, even absurd attention to things. Then allow their structure, form, and nature to set the limits for the experiences you derive from them. By refusing to ask what could be different, and instead allowing what is present to guide us, we create a new space. A magic circle, a circumscribed, imaginary playground in which the limitation of the things we encounter—of anything we encounter—can produce meaningful experiences.”

Our world is jam-packed full of splendor and mystery, most of which we never notice as we ply the demands and dissatisfactions of our selfish lives. And even when we find mechanisms for relief—Buddhist mindfulness or libertarian objectivism, sermonic asceticism or unbridled consumerism—they turn our attention inward rather than outward. They tell us stories about the bodies and minds we wish we occupied rather than offering us tactics to live amidst the world as it really is. Playgrounds aren’t things we create so much as structures we discover. They are particular configurations of materials that otherwise go unnoticed, unseen, unloved, and unappreciated. They’re scattered everywhere, stacked, overlapping, exerting their machinations without us, but available for our address and manipulation, if we draw a magic circle around their parts and render them real.”

Wow. Contemplate that!

In closing, I’ll leave you with a few more choice quotes from Play Anything:

“What if we have so little fun not because the world is so unpleasurable, but because we’ve gotten fun so wrong?”

What if “… real fun isn’t in you; it’s in the world. Or better: it’s in the confluence of you-and-the-world that a playground helps you create and see.”
spirituality and psychology, spirituality and healing, spirituality and wellness
Can/Could “… you accept that meaning can come from outside of you rather than from within. Perhaps even that it must.”

Consider “Physical therapy means better connecting to the world outside ourselves …” and that, perhaps, the ability to “incorporate external things into internal experience” is the key to evolution and consciousness.

Personally, I believe we’re here to change. If “The things to which we attend and the way we do so change us”, what does that say about the things we choose?

In conclusion, what if “Fun isn’t a distraction or an escape from the world, but an ever deeper and more committed engagement with it.”

All quotes are from Play Anything: The Pleasure of Limits, the Uses of Boredom, & the Secret of Games by Ian Bogost.

Thursday, May 25, 2017

Wildflower Garden: Video Update #1

This video is about the wildflower Garden I'm creating as part of the celebration of the November 2017 release of War & Grace. War & Grace is the final installment in my epic fantasy trilogy, Daughter of Light. Daughter of Light was inspired by my beloved Grandma who was a gardener.



More about Grandma: Over a decade ago, when I was a singer/songwriter I produced a quirky CD. Here is an excerpt from that CD where I talk and sing about the time we spend with the ones we love and ... Broken Dolls ...



Broken Dolls Lyrics (Copyright 1998 Heather Baker)

Something borrowed blue
Why not sacrifice the truth
I spent all my time with you
All my time with you ...
Being someone that I’m not
Being something that I’m not
Someone … something …
Being someone that I’m not

I hide all secrets
I hide all my pain
I hide all my secrets
I will never ever fall in love again

I watch a crippled man
I watch him with his cane
I see his crooked body
Inside I’m just the same
Inside I’m just the same
Inside …
Inside I’m just the same

I hide all my secrets
I hide all my pain
I hide all my secrets
I will never ever fall in love again

Broken dolls are only loved
By those who knew them when
I was broken very young
So very young …
You didn’t know me then
You didn’t know me then
I know don’t me now …
You didn’t know me then

I hide all my secrets
I hide all my pain
I hide all my secrets
I will never ever fall in love again

Sunday, May 21, 2017

Is the Divine Within You?

I read God’s Ecstasy by Beatrice Bruteau last year (I think!) It’s a short book (172 pp.) but I read it very slowly because there is simply so much packed into each paragraph.
spiritual reads, good spiritual reads, books about spirituality
The book was written in 1997, but 20 years later it’s still a fascinating read. Dr. Bruteau had degrees in mathematics and philosophy, and she was a contemplative Christian. The book represents her effort to bridge the new insights quantum mechanics has provided about our Cosmos and her religion. I don't think her bridge fully crosses the gorge, but it’s a thought-provoking work.

She relies on three essential Christian religious symbols as the foundation for her thesis: the Incarnation, the Theokotos, and the Trinity. The Incarnation and the Theokotos work well for me as symbolical representations of potent spiritual/metaphysical reality but I confess, whenever she dove into the Trinity, everything became convoluted for me.

The book’s first three chapters discuss her broad views of the universe as “the creation of a self-creating world.”

“the Godmade universe is made as a self-making universe” and “to share in the divine life I must accept the vocation of consciously living in the self-creating universe”

“Joining in the creative work is really central to the whole contemplative enterprise”

“What Earth and the other heavenly bodies are manifesting is the glory, the overflowing creativity activity, that necessarily expresses and thus images the Creator.”

“When we are conscious and knowing the universe is conscious and knowing.”

The final quote is an idea I myself have been pondering for over two decades, that through each of us, through the experience of our lives, the universe and the Infinite become more knowing which would mean that each and every one of the moments of our existence is recorded—felt? received?—by this massive consciousness …

If that’s the case, nothing is meaningless … or static … because everything is constantly in flux as more becomes known.
evolution of man, all about evolution
In Chapters 4 through 7, Bruteau traces the evolution of the universe and some of the potential spiritual implications of that history. In her march through time, Bruteau discuses:

The Big Bang, the Inflation Scenario, Phase Transitions (“it may be that the idea of phase transition is an excellent way to see the whole picture: the universe evolves and ‘self-creates’ by passing through a period of phase transitions."), the stars, astrophysicists, quantum mechanics, the earth’s molten beginnings, symbiotic chemistry and bond formation, molecules of life: sugars, nucleic acids, and proteins, enzymes, catalysts, DNA, RNA, autocatalytic circles, hypercycles, emergents, the first cells, bacteria rule the world (“Bacteria are the ultimate in promiscuity. They engage in gene-swapping all the time.”), oxygen and the eukaryotic cell, diploid nuclei and meiosis, gametes, selection and adaptation, gene wars, and junk DNA, consciousness, language, and memes.


Whew. Makes your head spin! Here are some of her conclusions:

“The interactions are complicated. Organisms have to struggle with the environment, yet the environment is what sustains them. They often fight with members of their own kind, yet they also care for own kind, in some circumstance’s at the individual’s considerable expense. They may be in a predatory/prey relationship with other species, or again they may be in a symbiotic relationship of mutualism, in which each helps the other. The struggles against each other usually lead to discovering better ways to succeed in the struggle, first by one side, then the other. Even better ways to find better ways are developed, better ways to evolve are evolved.

It is one long fascinating story of the creation of novelty.
novelty and the brain, reasons for valuing diversity
“[Nature] is constantly renewing itself and constantly giving rise to forms that never existed before. And the most exciting thing about this novelty is that it is unpredictable. A theology that imagines that the whole history of the world from start to finish is already known is no longer a source of meaningfulness for us. It is not true to our experience.”

“Everywhere there is multiplicity organized into unity, the unity being strongly dependent on the multiplicity and even the diversity … And this is exactly what we see in the world on every level or scale of organization. Galaxies, molecules, organisms, societies—they are all examples of unity supporting and implying multiplicity, and multiplicity sustaining and implying unity.”

“Akin to the conjunction of diversity and unity is the balance of variation and stability…under the conditions of finitude … Randomness and determinism provide for novelty [variety] and stability.”

What’s going on here? Novelty, unpredictability, multiplicity unity, variation … all these words are exciting, inspiring, motivating … and then there is stability. Life needs that too. If we were born and our beings dissolved, i.e. there was no stability, continuity, or constancy of self, how much meaning would be lost? To ourselves? To the universe?

Along with this idea of the need for stability, not a stability that precludes evolution, but a stability of existence, she brings in another interesting concept: Severance.

In a discussion of parenting as the gifting of life as a mirror of the Divine gifting of life, she states:

“One gives being but does not control how it is expressed, one does not know what form it will take, what will happen next, how it will turn out. To pass on the gift of life is to pass on the ability to give the gift of life, and what happens past that point is out of one’s hands. This is that truly makes it a gift of love.”

Ahem. In this particular post I'm not going to discuss those parents—or those children!—who refuse to let go ... we're talking about ideals here!

“Severance is where development starts … and that inevitability involves hurt and failure, but overall, despite, and more often by means of hurts and failure, the whole process becomes more … The closed boundary … is the beginning of selfhood in the finite order … the figure is ‘discrete’, set off, separated … This is the universe’s general tendency to … be discrete and then clump, that’s the basic way of making a universe … when you have … several (from ‘severed)’ discrete bodies, you can have various clumping patterns, and your on your way to variety and creativity … If the universe were just an evenly distributed homogenous continuum of energy there would be no structure: no differences, and hence no creative unions … The great marvel, the great beauty, the great delight of the creative unions to come are dependent on those strange requirements of severance.

Again, this amazing Cosmos we live in, partake in, is a vast flow of paradoxical elements, we change, grow and evolve in the context of stability, we unite and combine in the context of separation.

And on where we are going …

“Edward Fredkin, an early computer genius, has said that the universe looks to him like a great computer with a program running it. [He also said] the program is so complex that there is no way to shorten it and jump to the final answer. The only way to find out the answer is to let the program run in real time.

So does any of this matter to us, to our daily lives, to our personal relationships? Does it have any impact on our goals and dreams whether they be for world peace or to create a family?
global peace, global peace mission
Consider Bruteau’s thoughts on Divine Intervention ….

“… The Infinite does not ‘intervene’ in the finite. The infinite as a whole is ‘exegeted’ in the whole of the finite, but the Infinite cannot be a participant in any interactions between the finite beings because that would finitize it. Only finite beings can be agents in finite interactions. The infinite can be ‘present’ in and even as the whole finite world, but it cannot be some particular part of the finite world or control some particular interaction in the finite world. All finite interactions are defined from particular points of view, and the Infinite cannot take one point of view rather than another. While this may be disappointing, it also relieves us of otherwise intractable problems, especially questions about why the Infinite doesn’t intervene in ways we (from our point of view) would like it to do.”

This strikes me as true. And so does this …

“The new things build on the old things. And as the better working ones crowd out the poorer ones, the population as a whole comes to be characterized by innovations. Those innovations then become part of the foundation on which the next round of innovations is built … But all this comes out of the dynamics, the process, the functions of the spontaneously assembling natural bodies. Nothing is imposed from the outside. There is no guiding hand. Each stage of organization leads naturally to the next on the basis of the way things are already happening. We are modeling a universe that makes itself, from the inside out, as an act of ecstasy, not one that is made from the outside by imposition.

Then there comes the procession of evil from the biological imperative to survive onward to a what might be considered a higher consciousness.

The protectionism, aggression, deception of the “selfish-gene” advances to alliances for mutual benefit then advances to a reciprocal altruism based on memory, i.e. I will likely have future interactions with you and that advances to the recognition of the “rights of others’” by way of acknowledging the Absolute/Infinite as a mutual Ground of Being. So that “the real basis for sin (I know, a word replete with a millennia of baggage; I would use a word more akin to suffering myself ) … is the failure to find the Absolute in oneself.”

Okay.

So the Theokotos, a Greek word meaning ‘God-bearer’ used traditionally for the Virgin Mary, makes me think of all our mothers as physical vessels giving birth to the infinite in finite form.
We all have the potential to “incarnate” divinity.

How do we do this? Well, folks have been trying to do this for aeons by praying, fasting, meditating, taking pilgrimages, studying sacred texts … Does any of it work? Seems like to a degree. Is it a worthy cause? Effort? Probably only if you believe it to be so. I just don’t think it’s a pursuit that one can be forced or shamed or otherwise coerced into. I also think the process of living itself evolves us, so how much focused effort is actually required?

I don’t know. Regardless, I emphatically do believe that:

“Divinity is within you: it is growing toward emergence.”

So here on this planet, there likely never will be any direct Divine Intervention … there is and will only ever be us and our thoughts and actions. The question is, by cultivating our inner connection to the Divine/Infinite how might our outer/finite world be transformed?

Will there ever come a day when everyone on the planet lives according to this state of being inwardly connected to the Divine? Is this where we're ultimately headed?

Honestly, I hope so.

In War & Grace, I call it Eryai;)

All quotes for this post are from: God's Ecstasy by Beatrice Bruteau